


Bachelor Party

by Clockwork_Contessa



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:28:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23567611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clockwork_Contessa/pseuds/Clockwork_Contessa
Summary: The boys take Garrus out for an evening of fun the night before his wedding.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	Bachelor Party

Garrus was calibrating the Normandy’s main gun when Joker, Kaidan, Vega, and Cortez entered the main battery. 

“Vakarian, get your turian butt over here,” Joker called out. “You and Shepard are getting married tomorrow. I still think that’s a little weird, but whatever. Nevertheless, it is our duty, as your friends, to give you a proper human bachelor party.” 

Garrus started to protest, but Vega cut him off. “Sorry Vakarian, we’re doing this. You might as well enjoy it.”

Garrus sighed, “Alright, alright, let me get cleaned up and we can go.” 

Twenty minutes later the men of the Normandy entered the Wards in the Citadel. 

“So, what does a typical human bachelor party look like?” Garrus asked. 

“You know, drunken debauchery, male bonding—“ Kaidan started to say

“Strippers,” Vega cut in. “Lots of strippers. Asari strippers.” 

“Strippers?” Garrus said. "I hardly think--"

Joker and Vega shouted over him. “IT’S TRADITION!!!”

Cortez shook his head. “You do realize that Shepard is going to murder you two when she finds out, right?”

“The Commander?” Joker laughed. “She’ll just be mad we didn’t get her a stripper too.”

“I want it to be known that I had nothing to do with this plan,” Kaidan said from the back of the group. “Absolutely nothing.” 

“Come on, it’s his last night as a single man,” Vega said. “He deserves to see some naked ladies dancing around.” 

Garrus wasn’t thrilled about the idea of spending the night before his wedding watching asari strippers, but one look at the excitement on Joker and Vega’s faces convinced him to at least give it a try. He doubted Shepard would get mad, but even if she did, Garrus imagined that she could forgive him for one evening of drunken debauchery. He laughed and smiled. “Well, who am I to spurn tradition?”

Joker and Vega punched the air in celebration. “Yeah, let’s go!” Joker said. 

“Careful, Joker,” Kaidan said, “Wouldn’t want you to break anything before any of the fun got started.”

“So now that I’ve agreed, are you going to tell me where we’re going?” Garrus asked. 

Cortez spoke up from the front of the group. “Some new club. Can’t remember the name.”

“Wait…” Joker said, “we’re not going to, like, a gay bar or anything, right?”

Cortez laughed. “Not this time, Joker. Give me some credit.” 

The sky car slowly came to a stop. The men read the sign on top of the building. “No way…” Joker started to say, “..they rebuilt it?” 

“Chora’s Den,” Garrus said, “Now this brings back memories.”

The men walked into the club; Cortez led them to a table, where they all sat. An asari wearing a very tight, very short dress walked over to them. She looked at the group of men, “How are you boys doing tonight?”

Her voice was smoother than silk, and she looked good in her dress. Vega and Joker looked dumbstruck at the sight of the asari, so Cortez spoke up. “We’ll have some drinks, please.”

“And some of your finest turian brandy for the guest of honor!” Vega cut in. 

The asari looked at Garrus, “What are we celebrating this evening?” she purred. 

Joker put his arm around Garrus’ shoulder, “Our turian friend is getting married tomorrow!”

The asari smiled. “My congratulations, then.” She left, then came back a few minutes later with their drinks. 

Joker smiled, “You know, Garrus, it’s also a human tradition for the groom to buy the first round of drinks…”

Kaidan glared at him. ”Joker!”

Joker looked back innocently, ”What?”

“That has never been a thing. Why are you making it a thing?”

“Damn it, Kaidan, I almost had him!”

Garrus chuckled as he looked at Joker. “Remind me to tell you about some turian traditions sometime, Joker. So,” he said, taking a sip of his drink, “What other traditions do human men have for bachelor parties?”

Vega laughed. “We thought you’d never ask.”

Forty-five minutes later, theywere surrounded by dancing asari. Joker and Vega were trying to get Garrus to dance with the strippers, while Cortez and Kaidan sat back, sipping drinks. He respectfully turned down a lap dance from an asari who was a particularly lovely shade of blue, which disappointed Joker. “Come on, man,” Joker said. “You’re not fully enjoying the experience!”

“I’m enjoying myself just fine, Joker,” Garrus said. 

Vega, who had had a few drinks too many at this point, gently nudged Garrus’ side, “Hey Vakarian, think you could ever get Shepard to dance like this for you?” 

Garrus rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to answer that.” 

“I think you’ve had enough to drink, Mr. Vega,” Cortez said, gingerly moving James’ drink away from him.

“Come on, Esteban!” Vega replied. 

“I’d rather not think about the Commander in slinky lingerie, thank you,” Kaidan said, making a face. 

“Hey, Joker, you ever think about getting EDI a dress like that?” Vega said, pointing at an asari in the center of the dance floor. “Maybe she could dance for you, too.”

“I’m not sure Joker could get a, what do you call it, a ‘lap dance’ without breaking something,” Garrus said. He and Vega laughed. 

“Yes, yes, very funny, make fun of the guy with brittle bone disease,” Joker said, clearly unamused. 

Garrus had to admit he was having fun. The asari were pleasant to look at, and he enjoyed laughing with “the boys.” It was nice to have an evening away from the Normandy. 

“So tomorrow’s the big day, huh, Garrus?” Kaidan said. “You nervous?”

Garrus thought for a moment, then took a drink. “Not even a little bit,” he said. 

“Cheers, then,” Kaidan said, clinking his glass against Garrus.’ “To you and Shepard, and the journey ahead of you!”

Hours later, they headed back to the Normandy. Joker needed a little help walking, so Kaidan helped him. 

“So how did you like your last night of freedom?” Vega asked

“It was fun,” Garrus admitted, “but the rest of my life starts tomorrow, and I can’t wait.”


End file.
